What is man's greatest invention?

Answer: Deodorant soap. It's one thing to put a man on the moon, but can you imagine being cooped up in that sweaty little cockpit for days on end having to breath in all that free-floating BO? Hurray for deodorant!!

Blog, you are so wise, are you also all powerful?

Answer: Get real. If Blog were all powerful there would be no bald men, no bad drivers, no bird flu, no plastic bags, and especially no George Bush. Oh, might as well throw in no taxes, poverty and war, what the heck.

Why are all the rich smart men short fat and bald and why are all the hot men dumb?

Answer: So that smart, good-looking lesbians can feel pity for straight women.

Oh wise Almighty Blog, is there such a thing as your "soul mate"?

Answer: Blog is resisting bad puns about shoes. In the meantime, the answer to your question, my silly naive reader, is no. Get real. There are billions and billions of people on this planet. The idea that there is just one that is meant only for you, is both preposterous and dishearteningly against the odds you'll ever meet. What if you're living your life in Waterford, Michigan and your soul mate resides in Mozambique. Fat chance you'll ever run into each other. Sorry.

Why do people lie?

Answer: It's easier to sleep that way? (Ba-doom ching!)

Seriously, people lie because you can't handle the truth!

Okay, enough. Why do people lie. People lie because they suck. And, people suck because they haven't read The Almighty Blog's Ten Commandments. The first being "Don't suck. Except when it gives your partner pleasure."

As you can see, Blog's Commandments dispense with all the "thou shalt" crap and give exceptions to the rules.

When you're dating someone, how long should you wait until you have sex?

Answer: To avoid any diseases or any unwanted pregnancies, get to the know the person really, really, really well. Once you get to really know that person, the idea of having sex with them will be repulsive and you'll be safe!

My neighbor's dog barks all the time. All. The. Time. I'm going out of my mind. What should I do?

Answer: Gosh, that sounds.... ruff. HA HA HA! Okay, seriously. First of all, Blog doesn't believe your premise. A dog cannot bark "all the time." Even dogs must schedule time to eat, drink, sleep and of course piss and poop all over the place. So, you know, quit exaggerating and maybe, just maybe people -- including The Almighty Blog -- might start taking you seriously. Geez.

Blog, what's wrong with the world?

Answer: Religion and greed. Put them together and you've got a toxic brew more destructive than ammonia and bleach.

What is wrong with people, why can’t they just do what they say?

Answer: Are these deaf people you're talking about? Because deaf people can't hear what they are saying and so they have a pretty good excuse for not doing what they say. So, try a little compassion and lay off of 'em. Geez.

Blog, why do some people not believe in you?

Answer: It's that damn science. You know with their proving and peer testing and questioning and needing facts. Ha-rumph. Whatever happened to good old believing in something you can't see, feel, smell or hear?! But don't you worry, all those Blog non-believers are going to go straight to Blell and burn in its firey pits!! As soon as Blog figures out where the blell Blell is.

Almighty Blog, there is Christmas stuff in the stores already.

Answer: Pressure's on. Better get your asses out there and start shopping! Mr. Major Department Store is hungry and needs your holiday shopping dollar and he wants it now! Before anyone else can get it! Hurry! Hurry! HURRY!!! Only 43 more shopping days before Christmas!

Why do people live in mobile homes if they're just going to end up getting blown away by a tornado?

Answer: Living in a mobile home is often times a sure-fire way to appear on the evening news. When a tornado rips through your mobile home park, your chances for getting on TV go up exponentially. "I seen it coming 'cross the field. I seen it and then I seen it was gettin' closer and pretty soon I seen it blowin' away my house..." It also helps if you are wearing a wife-beater or are very overweight or drunk.

Should ugly people be allowed to reproduce?

Answer: Yes, because otherwise where would you get contestants for "The Swan" and "Extreme Makeover"?