Who is the handsomest man in the world, and what is his first name?

Answer: What. What Who.

Why doesn't it hurt when you cut your hair, but it does when you cut your finger?

Answer: Fingers have feelings. Sometimes they are happy (thumbs up). Sometimes they are sad (thumbs down). Sometimes they are angry (the "middle finger"). So it hurts when they are cut, and fingers also show their emotions by bleeding. Hair, on the other hand, has no feelings. It does not care about you. For instance, it doesn't care that you are in a hurry to get to work -- it will still do whatever it wants. It can be messy, uncooperative, dirty. It falls out wherever it wants. It gets in your eyes. It simply doesn't care about anything. So, you can do whatever you want to it: tease it, blow hot air on it, shave it, die it, curl it, straighten it. It won't hurt its feelings because hair will always do what it wants to anyway -- no matter how you cut it.

Almighty Blog -- Just exactly how do you kill two birds with one stone?

Answer: Easy. Wait until the first bird eats the other bird alive. (You might try putting a little bowl of gravy near the bird to entice it.) Then throw one stone at the first bird, thus killing two birds with one stone.

Is sex before marriage a sin?

Answer: As long as it doesn't make you late for the wedding, you're okay.

Is Michael Jackson a pedophile?

Answer: Maybe the question should be: How come Micheal Jackson hangs out with child prostitutes? I mean, come on, these kids aren't just giving it away!!

Is it really true that "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me"?

Answer: No, and here's why: You know those little rocks with the words ingraved in them? Like "Peace" and "Love"? Well, get one of those heaved at your head and ouch!! So, yes, words can hurt you.

Is gossip bad?

Answer: Yes, which is why it's so much darn fun!

Why does the pope wear a funny hat?

Answer: So when he's taking a bathroom break in the woods and gets lost, he's easy to spot.

Does H.E. double hockey sticks really exist?

Answer: Blog has a good friend. Henry Eastmore. Henry plays hockey. He has one hockey stick. He mentioned the other day that he wanted to get another one just like it. But, when he did not say. So, at this writing, it's safe to say that the existance of H. E. double hockey sticks is unknown.

Exactly why does "the cookie crumble"?

Answer: Most cookies begin to "crumble" as soon as they realize that they were brought into this world only to be eaten. The psychological ramifications of that realization are enormous. You'd probably fall apart too under the circumstances.

What happens after we die?

Answer: Well, usually there's a funeral. Then, if you don't have a will, your family rifles through all your stuff and takes whatever they want. They also read your diaries. If there's a will, then they fight over it -- sometimes to the death. Starting the process all over again. Ahh, the great circle of life.

Why do women hate to love the men they love to hate?

Answer: Because contrary to popular belief, it's hate that makes the world go 'round.

Is there life on other planets?

Answer: Yes, but the exchange rate is really bad, so you wouldn't have much of a life.

Why are there so many idiots in this world and why do most of them have to be in my life?

Answer: To teach you kindness, love, patience and understanding. And, because those idiots had to go somewhere when I kicked them outta my life!

Why?

Answer: ....M. C. A! Everybody put your hands together! WHY. M. C. A!

Why is water wet?

Answer: It probably just went swimming or took a bath.

Is abortion murder?

Answer: Not sure, but ever pass a kidney stone? That's murder!

Is there life after death?

Answer: People die all the time, yet Blog still lives. So, yes, there is life after death.

How can I be sure I'll get to Heaven?

Answer: Have you tried Mapquest?

I love my boyfriend, but he won't marry me. What should I do?

Answer: Don't marry him either. Duh.

Why is the sky blue?

Answer: It's probably having a bad day.

Do fish, such as Perch, have souls?

Answer: Clearly no. If you look closely at a Perch, it has no feet, and therefore can have no sole.

When life gives me lemons, should I make lemonade?

Answer: No. When life gives you lemons, it's best to make Cosmopolitans. Unless life gives you limes, then make Margaritas.

What's the secret to toilet training?

Answer: The secret to toilet training is to first decide what it is that you want your toilet to do. Only then can you begin to train it.

Can anyone ever truly be happy?

Answer (in the form of a question): How come no one ever asks "Can anyone ever truly be sad"?

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

Answer: There are so many variables. How big is the pin? What kind of dance are the angels performing? (For instance, mosh pit dancing takes less room than say Swan Lake.) Is there a band or a DJ? Blog would really need more information in order to answer this question correctly.

What's the best way to get red wine stains out of white carpeting?

Answer: Drink white wine.

What is the meaning of life?

Answer: The opposite of the meaning of death.

Why do people tailgate?

Answer: Because they are rude and obnoxious and think only of themselves.

Alt. Answer: Because you are a very slow and bad driver and need to get the H. E. Double Hockey sticks outta the way!!!

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Answer: Take one hand. Hit the side of your face as hard as you can with the open palm of that one hand. That is the sound of one hand clapping.

Is there a Blog?

Answer: Yes, of course there is, and you are casting your eyes upon it.