Did Tom Cruise really eat Suri's placenta?

Answer: One might think: All the starving children around the world and Tom Cruise hogs the whole placenta for himself!

But the truth is, Tom's a man of GOD. He cares and he shares. So he cold-packed that placenta and shipped it just as fast as fast can be to Brad and Angelina who are awaiting the arrival of their own placenta, er, baby in Africa. And, we know how much Angelina cares about children, especially hungry third-world children. Placenta, it's what's for dinner!

Hi Blog. Long time reader, first time poster. So I'm a little nervous. My boyfriend has really bad B.O. I love him but not his funk. What should I do?

Answer: There's nothing worse that snuggling up to the one you love for good old fashioned steamin' hot jungle monkey love, when SHABAM! a veritable smell buffet of raw onions, Slim Jims, Hot Pockets, head cheese, tripe and cauliflower hits you smack upside each nostril, stinging your eyes and burning your flesh. We've all been there. Here's what you do: Break up with the oaf, he sounds like a pig! Can't the guy take a shower for crying out loud? Or wipe himself once in a while? Ew ew ew. Get him out of your house ASAP and disinfect everything you own! NOW!!! GO GO GO!!!

I caught my father wearing my mother's underwear. I'm freaking out!

Answer: Shhhhh. Calm down. It's okay. Your lazy, lazy, lazy mother probably just hasn't gotten around to washing your father's underwear and instead of running out and buying new underwear he simply put on a pair of hers so that he could put the money he would have spent on new underwear into your college fund. Happens all the time.

Did Jesus really rise from the dead?

Answer: No. We wasn't really dead. He was just holding his breath. Pretending. That Jesus, he's a kidder.

What is sin?

Answer: According to Wikipedia "The most common formal definition is an infraction against religious or moral law." Oooh boy. See ya'll in Blell!!

My husband wants to have sex three times a day. But I work full-time and take care of the four kids. How can I get him off my back?!

Answer: Try the missionary position. HA HA HA!!

Seriously. Sex three times a day...what day was that? HA HA HA!

Okay, sorry. Really, seriously. Sex three times a day is a lot. No wonder you have so many kids. Give that horndog a choice: Sex twice a week or five times a day if your mother can come live with you to cook and take care of the kids. Good luck!

Will Katie Couric succeed at CBS?

Answer: Yes, because, goll darn it, what the evening news needs is more giggling.

What is neither here nor there?

Answer: That.