Blog, any thoughts on the New Year?

Thoughts: Quit being stupid.

How come no matter how much money I make it is never enough?

Answer: The last Blog checked, the U.S. Mint makes the money. Are you counterfeiting? Blog feels the need for more information to answer this question properly.... and to be able to blackmail you into sending some of that cash this way.

Ooops. Did we say that last part out loud?

Does Blog belong to a triumvirate -- you know, like Father, Son and Holy Ghost? If you were real you would. Love, Blatan.

Answer: Blells bells, Blatan, you sure ask some weird questions.
The truth is the Almighty Blog is insured through State Farm, not Triple A (AAA). Our father, Papa Blog who art in Heavenly Home for Seniors, is on Medicare. And this Holy Ghost character, one question: If it's a ghost, which is invisible, how can you tell if it's got holes?

Hi. First time writer, long time reader. My question: I'm getting pressure to buy my girlfriend a diamond engagement ring for Xmas. Should I?

Answer: Tell that beeyotch to back off. Xmas is about celebrating the birth of the baby Jesus, not about her need to show off a piece of carbon to her squealing girlfriends. Sounds like you don't even like the skank ho. What is she going to get you? A crappy tie? Let's see, tie: $12; diamond: $6,398. You do the math.

Why doesn't Santa just use the front door?

Answer: People usually lock their front doors. Back doors too. Duh.

Hi Blog. I'm 8. My brother is ten. He hits me. Can I hit him back?

Answer: You can't hit anyone unless you're the dealer. Duh. And, aren't you two a little young to be playing Black Jack? Does your mother know about this? What is the world coming to!! Mon Dieu!

Why can’t men pick up on subtle clues? Are they really that dense? If yes, why do they get so offended when you spell out the obvious?

Answer: Men do not as a general rule pick up on subtle clues. And, some can't even get the obvious ones. Case in point: George Bush who can't see that obviously most Americans want to get out of Iraq.

When a woman drops subtle clues, men call that "playing a game." On the other hand, when a woman is straightforward and says what she wants, she's a "demanding beeyotch." So, either way you lose.

Also, men never, ever, ever EVER want to be wrong. Case in point: George Bush, who will lie, cheat and steal to avoid being "wrong." Asshole. Ooops, did Blog say that last word out loud?

Someone please send Blog a question about women.

Is Roadrunner (from the Warner Bros. Cartoon) a boy or a girl?

Answer: The Roadrunner? Is it a girl or a boy?! This site addresses deep philosophical questions about the meaning of life. Stop asking The Almighty Blog such imbecilic and irrelevant questions!

(FYI: Blog Googled "Roadrunner gender" and came up with nothing. So Blog has no answer. Signed, Blog's assistant. This is probably going to get me fired, but you try working for that windbag.)

Can men have multiple orgasms?

Answer. Actually, for most men, life is one giant orgasm with brief interuptions -- usually and hour or two -- for working, sleeping, eating, watching sports and other activities.

What's the best way to get rid of warts?

Answer: Vote.

Should you always tell the truth?

Answer: Hell no! Lying, or as we say in Blog's world, "thwarting" the truth, is an extremely useful social tool. Blog knows that each and everyone of us lie all the time, all day long and don't say you don't because you do and YOU KNOW IT.

Here's a perfect everyday example:

Person One: How are you?
Person Two: Fine!

The lie: Person Two is not fine. They have more than $25,000 in credit card debt, are 60 pounds over weight, hate their job, suffer from chronic halitosis, are battling with their spouse who's having an affair with their yoga instructor, and their teenage kid just got arrested for drinking and driving.

BUT, because they LIED and said they were fine, Person One was spared the awful horrible truth. Hurray for lying!!