My neighbor's dog barks all the time. All. The. Time. I'm going out of my mind. What should I do?
Answer: Gosh, that sounds.... ruff. HA HA HA! Okay, seriously. First of all, Blog doesn't believe your premise. A dog cannot bark "all the time." Even dogs must schedule time to eat, drink, sleep and of course piss and poop all over the place. So, you know, quit exaggerating and maybe, just maybe people -- including The Almighty Blog -- might start taking you seriously. Geez.
posted by Almighty Blog at 7:17 AM
5 Comments:
My neighbor's dog kept barking all the time -- even when he was pooping! At those times, it would shoot out of him with each bark. It was sick. So after asking the owner nicely, I then decided to off the mother scratcher. I took a giant icicle hanging from his roof and stabbed him with it. It was the perfect weapon. The evidence melted. And since I'm Jewish, no one ever thought I could so such a thing. Now, when the dog starts barking, I just go into my freezer and pull out an icicle I keep in there and I show it to the dog and he just cowers. He knows. And he shuts up real quick.
You could call it a Jewcicle.
I am not a dog. Because if I were to be a dog, there would have to be a cat. I had a dog and cat once, and they chased one another around the place and knocked down my Christmas tree. Besides, my grandmother had the cat put down.
I am more like a horse or a raccoon.
If anything, I'd need several different kinds of pets to keep me happy. I get very nervous around new people- especially when they're all trying to crawl up my ass because they're all stupid and slow as hell.
And as for the deodorant soap- well you can have it. It gives me a rash. I don't stink around people I like, and I don't stink when I go out shopping and stuff. I smell just fine.
To think I never said one bad thing about any of you- even when I caught you goofing off and stuff. It sickens me.
Speaking of icycles, we had a neighbor who let their dog piss all over his balcony in the winter. He had nice yellow icycles. He used his hand to hit his dog though.
Corporal punishment should only be used after gentler methods are proven useless. I disagree with crate training methods as well because the sensory deprivation is detrimental to their emotional and psychological wellbeing.
As for the barking, maybe he just wanted that ridiculous raccoon skin hat you wear in the nude in your yard. Surely you must be doing something to set him off.
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