Dear Blog, last week someone came to work sick. Now I'm sick. For five days. Can't something be done about these inconsiderate people?

Answer: They can be shot. And, not with antibotics. With bullets.

Why oh why do people continue to make sex tapes and then get all huffy when they hit the internet?

Answer: Are we talking people people or famous people? Because when two people people make a sex tape, clearly it is meant as a loving expression of affection between soulmates who want to preserve their unique and magical relationship on tape for their eyes only and for all eternity -- or until they break up and whoever is in possession of the tape posts it on the internet (with them blurred out) because it turns out their soulmate was a really crappy soulmate after all and there's nothing better for mending a broken heart than humiliating and embarrassing your former soulmate on a world stage.

On the other hand, famous people who make sex tapes are told to act all huffy by their PR people because studies show that acting all huffy after your sex tape is released increases the Google search for your name. And, we know that's always good for business.

Oh Blog, why is no one commenting on your witty blog postings?

Answer: Even though Blog is almighty, powerful, wise and kind, the world has yet to learn to check in everyday for their Almighty Blog Bits O' Wisdom. It's those damn Olympics, creepy elected high officials shooting friends in the face, and that icky toad Simon Cowell that distract the public from what's really important: the gentle truth spoken by yours truly, The Almighty Blog.

Go in peace.

Hey Blog, did you see Brokeback Mountain? Did you like it?

Answer: Some lessons are hard-learned. No less for sitting through yet another Hollywood "blockbuster" movie nominated for every award between here and the next galaxy only to finally get it through our thick heads that if Hollywood says it's good, it means it's not. The Almighty thought we had learned our lesson with Titanic, but nooooooo. We got suckered into this one by the gigantic Hollywood marketing machine that managed to wrangle $5.50 and two-and-a-half hours of our time out of us.

And, by the way, they weren't COWboys, they were SHEEPboys. Anyone else find that ironical?

My wife didn't get me anything for Valentine's Day. I don't care. But boy, did she blow a gasket when I didn't get her anything. Is this fair?

Some men are big dumb galumps who can't remember anything except sports scores.

Some women are whiney self-centered prima-donnas who hold a grudge for eternity when their unexpressed expectations aren't met.

Looks like you two fit neatly into the above categories. Good luck, guy, sounds like yer relationship's doomed.

On the upside, when you're single you can drink right out of the milk carton while playing pocket hockey with Mr. Happy relaxing in front of the Playboy channel.

Hey Almighty Blog, what's up with men growing vast amounts of hair in their ears. I mean, like, ew.

Answer: If it bothers you so much, you clearly need to start looking men in the eye, not the ear. Unless of course you're an otorhinolaryngologist, in which case you'll need to limit your practice to women.