Blog, have you ever figured out why the world is flat? Name withheld.

So we can push morons off the edge? No, seriously, Name Withheld, did they withhold your brain too? Geesh. Get a globe.

Oh, wait, is this my cousin Peggy? Why you kidder! Gosh darn you really had Blog going there. Har har. By gum Blog enjoys a good chuckle once in a while while managing the Universe...Like we do... You know....With compassion and all.

Hi Blog. Um, I think yer kul. Ya know? Like, way.

The Almighty Blog doesn't normally post even the most glowing content of any of trillions of "fan" mail we receive, but we make an exception today. Why? To make a point. What the f#ck is happening to grammer, spelling and syntax in the world of the printed word?!?!???!???!?!???!

Plz admonish Blog for the, you knew, like, um, way over yous of the "!" and the "?" K? Cuz you no, cuz hoo kares.

Blog, why are people so cruel to each other. Like that guy in Michigan who killed and cut up his wife, the mother of his two small children?

Answer: Um..... Er....Uh.... Okay, you got The Almighty Blog by the short hairs. THERE IS NO GOOD ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION!! Oh, wait, there is one and you have heard it here before: People suck. (Yeah yeah yeah, people CAN suck, not ALL people suck.) But some people suck more than others and clearly, this Stephan Grant *ucking sucks right up there with the great *ucking sucks of all time. Blog's pretty sure that even HItler is creeped out by him. Wretched sad horribly tragic human.

Poor Britney. Is she going down the same road as Anna Nicole?

Answer: Last Blog checked, Howard K. Stern is still hanging out in the Bahamas. Does he even KNOW Britney? Has Britney been paying his bills and his rent? Did he videotape Britney in freaky clown makeup while she tripped out on prescription drugs so that he could later sell it to some tabloid television show? Does he claim to be the father of one of Britney's babies? If Britney stays away from Howard K. Stern, she'll be right as rain. So, cross your fingers.

Blog, we check here daily for your bits o'wisdom. Where the hell have you been?

Answer: Thank you for your concern. It's been tough fielding inquires from our fans about our whereabouts. Especially the paparazzi and Oprah. But sometimes even the all-knowing Almighty Blog has to take a break once in a while. Let's just say we were out sharpening our wit. Moo hoo ha ha.

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock got married, like, 6 times over the last year. Are they going to have to get divorced 6 times too?

Answer: Pam and Bob love the attention. You must agree. So, once the hoopla dies down with this divorce, they'll stage another. You know, for more time in the spotlight flashing their tattoos, stringy hair, porkpie hats and big boobs. Because it doesn't seem like they can come up with anything that merits attention that involves actual talent.

Blog, will Brittany ever find true happiness?

Answer: Hmmmm. Let's see. She just dumped that loser leach Federline, she's got her killer bod back, she's probably got a billion nannies to raise her kids for her.... what else, oh! she's a millionaire. Yes that does seem to be a recipe for unhappiness. If only we could all be so unhappy...

Studies show that cell phone use increases infertility. Can that really be true?

Answer: Well, would YOU want to have sex with someone talking on the phone?