Why did John Mark Karr lie about killing JonBenet?

Answer: Okay, Blog is all loving and stuff, but we just gotta say what a frickin' weirdo that guy is. However, that's besides the point. The truth is the guy needed to get back to the States but didn't have the dough for a plane ticket. Those Thai pay their teachers about 19 cents a day. So, he made up this bogus story and poof! he's sitting in business class sucking back the champagne and feasting on giant shrimp. There was just that nasty getting caught in a lie junk that stood in his way of settling back to his life in the good ole U.S. of A. But that's all water under the bridge now and it's just a matter of time before the freak's teaching preschool and making dates with 8-year-olds.

Blog, do you think Hillary should run?

Answer: Run? She's lucky she can walk. Have you seen the size of that woman's thighs? It's like she's walking around on two rolled up queen-sized mattresses.

Oh, wait, are you talking about running for president? Hey, if Pat Paulsen can run for president, then heck why not Hillary.

My brother's wife just had a baby and will be back at work in 6 weeks. Isn't it wrong to put such a young baby in daycare?

Answer: Ah, good question. The fact is no. Six weeks is not too soon to put a baby in day care. The fact is, children grow up so fast these days. A six-week-old baby, though technically should still be nursing at her mother's teat and has out-of-control explosive bowel movements, actually has the emotional and mental development of a nineteen-year-old -- oh wait, it's the other way around. The REAL answer is yes, six weeks is way to young to dump your kid into the hands of strangers for ten hours a day. If you can't afford to have a baby, for crying out loud don't have one.

What do you think about Global Warming?

Answer: There's no such thing. Because what's been happening in the U.S. lately is more like Global Broiling. It's not "warm." It's hot. AFRICA hot!

Speaking of Africa, it's snowing in South Africa for the first time in 25 years. Does that sound warm to you? Does it? Huh? HUH!

So, bottom line, we need a new term. How about something like "Global Weather Gone Wild." Show us your climates!

What if we put Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise on a deserted island so they can duke out religious issues?

Answer: That would accomplish only two things: Mel would say "I hate Cruise" and Tom would say "Mel, don't be Glib(son)."

Why does Mel Gibson hate the Jews?

Answer: Poor Mel, so misunderstood. It's tough being totally hammered because you slur your words. He was really saying that he hates the "juice." And, everyone knows that "juice" is just another word for booze, as in "he was all juiced up." So imagine: You're Mel Gibson, you get pulled over for drunk driving, you're getting arrested, and you realize that soon your career's going to be in the crapper. So, naturally you're mad at yourself. But because you're a sloppy drunken arrogant fool, you have to take your anger out on something besides yourself. So, you blame the "juice." You "hate the juice." Only it sounds like you hate the Jews because you're all liquored up and you can't pronounce your words.

So, let's be real people. Why would Mel hate the descendents of the one guy -- the King of the Jews -- who through the magic of the cinema helped put conservatively speaking about nine hundred gagzillion dollars into Mel's pocket?

Does President Bush always speak to other world leaders with his mouth stuffed full with a dinner roll?

Answer: No. Sometimes his mouth is stuffed full of meat. Sometimes it's full of potatoes. But mostly it's just full of shit.