War. What is it good for?

Answer: Hummer sales.

What's the best way to deal with a boss who's a micro manager?

Answer: There's nothing worse than being bigger than your boss. For starters, be sure not to step on him or her. That could really impact your annual review. Also, when having lunch with your micro manager, never ask if he or she is going to finish their meal. It only points to the fact that they are very tiny. They are probably pretty sensitive about not being able to eat normal portions. And, finally, when you are passing hors d'oeurves around, never, under any circumstances, offer your micro manager the shrimp.

Will you ask your good friend, Mother Nature, why she's torturing us this spring with weather that feels like it's still March?

Answer: The Almighty Blog would love to be able to get the answer your question, but unfortunately, Mother Nature is not responding to the messages we are leaving. She is either in Tahiti where the weather is decidedly unMarch-like, or she is dead from global warming. Let's guess: You're from Michigan? And, you're pale and pasty because the weather's been -- there's only one way to say it -- crappy? Well, chillax, it should warm up by August....

Is mankind monogamous?

Answer: Yes, unless they are engaging in a threesome. Then, no.

Is nothing sacred?

Answer: Nothing cannot be something because it is nothing, so therefore nothing is not sacred.

My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. Now they’re getting married. Should I get a sex change and have an affair with her for revenge?

Answer: Blog cannot believe that you are asking such question! There has to be something seriously, seriously wrong with you. No one in their right mind would even have to ask. The answer is clearly a resounding, yes!

Do you believe in extraterrestrials?

Answer: No. One terrestrial is enough. No one needs extra. Just like no one needs "Biggie" fries.

Men... you can't live with them and you can't shoot them, I wonder why?

Answer: It's a lot like "You can't have your cake and eat it too." If you ate your cake, then you wouldn't have it anymore (at least not in cake form). You can't live with men and shoot them because then they would be dead and gone. It's probably best to live with men while keeping them alive. Then you will have someone to take out the garbage and mow the lawn.

However, if you're talking about shooting and just wounding them, you'll have a whole 'nother set of problems on your hands -- blood, bandages, scabs, the whole nine yards. Plus all the whining and complaining about being shot. Not worth it.

Does time really heal all wounds?

Answer: No. Try parsley, sage or rosemary for the wounds that time won't heal.

What happens if you don't believe in Blog?

Answer: You will burn alive in the fiery pits of Blell for all of eternity.

Just kidding! Actually, we'll just cancel your complimentary subscription to The Blog Science Monitor and you'll lose your reserved parking space on Blingo nights.

Do monkeys make good house pets?

Answer: Monkeys make excellent house pets especially if you're tired of not having number two flung all over the place.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Answer: No, because all people deserve a shot at love... even blind people.

If a tree falls in a forest and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Answer: Trees do not have vocal cords, so therefore they cannot make sounds -- no matter where they fall.

Is it right and fair to have snow in May?? Michigan isn't Siberia, after all

Answer: Judging by the question, you live in Michigan. Here's why it IS right and fair to have snow in May in Michigan. Michigan is one of the fattest states. Mother Nature (personal friend of Blog's) arranges for snow in Michigan so that all those fat people will not get into their bathing suits or take off their shirts as they might otherwise do should the weather prove to be sunny and hot, thereby giving society another month without having suffer through fat naked people parading by.